It’s another year so that can only mean it’s another bloody Eurovision Song Contest. It’s that time of year where every country has to pick a singer or band out of obscurity, thrust them into the lime light for three minutes, then have them disappear into obscurity again. All this in a colourful expensive display of the most awful music Europe has to offer.

What is it about the Eurovision that seems to get everyone’s attention? For many, it’s a hilarious display of the most gimmicky acts to put on a costume and sing a song about insects. It’s Europop. Europe has a shit taste in music and Europop is a guaranteed douze points winner. Bright colourful costumes, goofy voices and chugging techno beat. Maybe after the contest it’ll appear on “Now That’s What I Call 49p In The Bottom Of The Bargain Bin.”

You’re not going to find sustainable music at the Eurovision. No-one will ever say, “that song is my all time favourite song” and refer to a Eurovision act. So what is it about Eurovision that gets people’s interest. I have a theory that The Eurovision Song Contest is like a political debate in music form.

Countries are only going to vote on countries they get along with. Or at least, not hate as much as the other country. Then once all the votes are tallied of who hated each other the least, the least hated country is victorious. It’s a Europopularity contest and there isn’t anywhere else where politics are so funky! I’m not saying Jemini weren’t a shit act, because they were, but “nul points” the same year as the Iraq War? “Not in my name?” More like, “Not in my song contest.”

Sweden is hot favourite to win this year. And who could possibly hate Sweden? Apart from maybe Woolworths when they realise they have a stockroom full of Dustin The Turkey puppets that aren’t going to sell anymore.