So it seems that it’s that time of year again. That right the shite pumpers that are channel 4 are to subject us to the horror that is Big Brother. I fully agree with Stephen Fry on this one. You for those of you that don’t know the great grandfather or Grandfather of the guy who “invented” Big Brother were a pioneer in sewage clearance from Holland. Stephen Fry said “seems strange that while his family heritage pumps shit out of Holland he’s the main one pumping it back in”

So starting today Channel 4 will release 12 people that should be sectioned anyway into house designed to make them argue, shout, shag and feel somewhat glum. Then as the weeks go on there will be 200 more people sent in to sex it up. After that of course after the great British public spent a fortune getting them out, you’re going to have to vote them back in. We all know why 4 do these things. They are waiting for the day there show will say “Day 51 in the big brother house, Housemates Ally, Jess, Jon, Tim, Rowanda, Hazel and Jeff are having a mass orgy in the big brother garden”. But that will never happen now will it. Also with this day and age if I want to see that I’ll watch an episode of Skins. Also a channel 4 show.

But you know what I feel sorry for the nutter’s that go in there, Yes they dream of stardom and we all know that only one of them has made it big, Yes they are all mad in that please don’t eye contact on the train with me kind of way. So why do I feel sorry for them. Well there human and have no talent at all but yet for some strange reason people on the outside world idolise them. Why the fuck they do escapes me.

I mean let’s face it all they did was show up at an audition, If there a women they would say “I’m cheeky, but stand my ground, Must have sex every 20 mins or I will go on a killing spree, plus love being naked” Big Channel 4 “thumbs up”. With the Men its “Well I hate most things, although I am fun person, outgoing, love a drink,” What a great mix.

So this is their talent but people on the outside are like “oh my god wow there so lush”. WTF. But the king would have to be those stupid fuck wits that say the immortal and stupid sentence. Russell Brand may ask “So why do you think (insert name of inmate) should win”, Stupid moron who’s in the audience who thinks their opinion now matters “Well Russell (insert name that Russell has just said) is the only one being them self”.

After staring open mouthed at the TV for 5 seconds resisting the urge to track them down and shake them till their eyes fill with blood and batter them to the point when none of the bones are left working. You have never met this person and you think they should win because they are being themselves. Also your basis for this that they have spent 2 weeks running around in a drunken heap. Hugging someone who misses there mum/dad/boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife. Being the life and soul by dancing a table with their areas on display.

So what you’re saying is they should win because they are a nice person. Well fucking done. Now get out the TV studio before someone does kill you.

But not that any of these things matter in the end anyway. So if you’re reading this and you want to win big brother then the answer is simple. It’s not go in and kill the other house mates that would be wrong. To win big brother you need to be in there for a reason. What do I mean by this? Well here goes.

First Winner Craig. Was giving all the money to his sister for an operation. So did not matter what happened he was bound to win.

Second Winner Brain. Came out in the big brother house had never told his family big uphill struggle

Not a clue when she/he won Nadia: Had just become a women and was striving to be accepted as a women. This was a shame then. As she won because she used to be a Man and not because she a women.

Okay that’s all I know has I never watch it other than to see the fuck wits which make up fans, because they make such good stand up stuff. So know this I not going to end with but oh well I will watch it anyway. No fucking way I a firm believer in the new big brother game show. 12 Contestants, No food, One Gun. Now that something everyone will enjoy.